My "Window of the Soul" Moment!

Last night, Sydney and I decided to take in a movie together. As we scrolled down the list of all our choices, we finally agreed on We Are Marshall. I’m not sure why, but God always talks to me in movies through characters, their words, concepts, allusions, scenery, and expressions of emotion of all kinds. I’m very thankful for all the ways God communicates to me, but I especially enjoy His voice, His calling, and His revelation in the world of movies.

In this particular movie, there are several gripping scenes dealing with struggle, pain, loss of love, and a constant search for courage and leadership amongst the broken and grieving. This is so hard to write for so many reasons, but I will not listen to those relentless voices that so often are the death of me. Instead of explaining everything, which is impossible, I’ll just tell you about a few of the scenes that unraveled me in the coziness of home.

I’ll quote a brief synopsis of the movie to give context to my thoughts: “The movie begins on a serious note with tragedy interspersed with sport. A plane crash kills players, coaches and fans of the Marshall University Football team. The entire town is devastated. The board decides to put an end to the program before Nate, a player (who was not on the flight) intervenes for the inevitable not to happen. He finds support in the entire town and also President Donald who goes all out to initiate something.” Most of you guys know several of us are traveling to Sierra Leone, Africa in June. So that is fresh on my mind and is fertile soil for God to nurture. My brother has also been on my mind and heart a lot this week due to choices and sacrifices he continues to make allowing the Holy Spirit to have His way with him. Put the two together and a perfect recipe for a “Window of the Soul” moment is created.

The Marshall football team would never have played a game the following year if not for the efforts of Nate and his willing spirit of determination to carry the torch and the burden of an entire community spiraling in pain and confusion grasping for the answerless question- why? He lived with the sadness and responsibility of believing with his whole heart that “Coach, that… was my team. They left it in my hands.” My brother, Chris, also lives with a sadness and responsibility believing with his whole heart that “God, that…is my son. You left him in my hands.” I can only speculate as tears fill my eyes and I so inadequately express these comparisons. I think I know Chris trusts God with Samuel and realizes the big picture is the gift of Jesus for everyone, but does that mean the struggle ever subsides or even fades with time? I think it only gets more suppressed as it intensifies and ravages it’s way, like a tornado, leaving brokenness and need of repair.

Nate plays with much pain, both physical and emotional, but he persists by going the only speed he knows- FULL! Anyone who knows Chris knows he goes only one speed concerning his quest for Samuel- FULL! Coach Dawson, an assistant coach who also missed the plane and consequentially suffers greatly with guilt and pain, had to physically tackle Nate in practice because Nate wasn’t controlling his intensity as it manifested in anger. He wanted things to happen now and he struggled with the process of adapting to younger players and all their lack of understanding. It made me think of how the Lord has to tackle Chris sometimes when his intensity and want for things to happen now get the best of him. I think he uses the faces of Wendy, Cassidy, Chandler, and Isaac to break those tumultuous thought patterns and settle him, if only for a moment.

The time finally comes when Marshall gets to play their first home game since the plane crash and there is a great deal of excitement and anxiety surrounding the event. Doctors have informed the coaches of the severity of Nate's injury and strongly advise them not to let him play. In my favorite scene, the head coach summons Nate and the two stand toe to toe as Nate braces himself and firmly stands his ground as coach tells him the heartbreaking news. Nate says his shoulder is fine and coach procedes to hit his shoulder with great intensity. Nate fights tears, grits his teeth, and repeats "My shoulder is fine!" The coach goes on to hit him in his shoulder several more times to make a point, and the tears finally come as the pain becomes more evident. But Nate's resolve and the fact that his great physical pain cannot possibly compare to the emotional pain he suppresses and deals with daily gives him the edge and the courage to finish what he started. In this display of heart and determination he convinces his coach to allow him the privilege and honor of participating in this monumental game. I couldn't help but see Chris running, whether in a 5k, through neighborhood streets Samuel has played on in his mind, or on Keller's track with the cross lit bright in the early hours of the morning. I saw the Lord hitting Chris where it hurts most to test him- not for Himself, but that Chris would know so that when the time came to play he would be ready. I saw a car wreck and remembered the long drive to the hospital that dreadful night. I saw him hit with lonliness in crowded rooms and in others inability to grasp at all what he was going through and still does everyday. He has endured the test, and though injured, continues to battle on.

The last scene I'll share takes place at halftime and Nate's injuries have taken their toll and Nate is becoming a liability to the team as an active player. Coach Red Dawson, the lone surviving coach hurting like Nate, comes to him and tells him he's done for the night. Again, Nate quickly resists and Coach Dawson says "Nate...you've done enough...you've done enough." It takes awhile to resonate, but as Coach reminds him of all he's done in this tough journey, they both smile and a peace that passes understanding grips them and hugs them tighter than the guilt and the pain. It's a beautiful moment when Nate experiences his own "Well done my good and faithful servant" speech. My tearful prayer is that Chris will one day not have to wrestle with all that's undone and incomplete...that the lion inside that roars with such verosity will one day rest and feast at the Master's table. I pray he hears God say "You've done enough...you've done enough." I can't even begin to imagine what that looks like or how difficult it will be to accept those words because this is no movie, but I pray peace in God's perfect timing for my beautiful brother.

I can't wait to walk the shores of Sierra Leone with you and enjoy the privilege of watching God's chosen fulfill and satisfy the holy words of our Father. You are more precious to me than you'll ever know. I love you.